i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
