Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
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Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
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As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize