Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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