there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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