Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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