we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
