Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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