4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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