the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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