We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
