i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
