I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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