Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
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We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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