Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
