I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
