She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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