I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I currently don't understand fingers.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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