We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
