I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
