Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
