yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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