We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
This is the high leading the old right now
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
