I swear she didn't look like that last week.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
