maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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