Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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