i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
