Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
