man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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