dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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