Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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