I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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