We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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