bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
