I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The air was thick with penises
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
