Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
