Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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