I showed him my bush... on skype.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think people are normalizing furries
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
