I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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