Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize