This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
