Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
