McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
