I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
