I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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