Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
