I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Even the bartender felt bad for me
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
did you just send me my own nude
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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