Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
