im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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