he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
