youre lurking in front of me
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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