This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
