HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
