Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
