this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
