remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
