Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
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We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
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It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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