I just found puke in my bra..
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
