I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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