Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
