i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
