he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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