So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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