Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
