i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
