matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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