got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
