he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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