So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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