She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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