And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
