Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
