I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
