wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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