def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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