the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
