i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
