I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
